"I'm Fine"...NOT

Do you ever get to the point where you just feel like you're completely in a funk and you don't know what to do about it? I feel like I have been that way for a little while now. It's a complete roller coaster. I'll be completely fine and then all of a sudden I'm back in my funk. I think part of the problem is that all I do is overthink things. As I've gotten older, it just gets worse and worse. I know people say that I should talk to a counselor, however, I've tried two or three of them and it really hasn't helped at all. I'm not at the point where I am ready to try again.

What do you do though when your funk is being noticed by your boyfriend and you don't really want to talk about it, but you also don't want to lie to him and tell him everything is alright? My go to is just saying "I'm fine." I'm well aware that it doesn't always help and that I should just be upfront with him, however, I feel like I need to figure it out on my own.

I'm just so tired of feeling this way in general. I'm tried of being stuck in my brain and I'm tired of feeling like I just want to ball my eyes out. I just want to feel normal, whatever that means. I want to be out of this funk and enjoy my relationship and not analyze every little thing.

I feel like I'm going through life by just doing the motions sometimes. I'm really good at faking how I'm feeling and that everything is alright. Some people are able to tell right away, like my best friend Katie and apparently Rob, but I'd rather hide it than actually have to talk about it. If I can't explain why to myself, how on earth am I supposed to explain it to someone else.

Anyone out there have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated!

If You're Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands

I’ve decided to take a writing challenge, hopefully I can stick to it, and today’s topic is 10 things that make me happy.

Before I get into my list, here is a disclaimer…my friends, family and boyfriend make me extremely happy and being able to spend time with them is one of the things I treasure most. However, in this list I tried to think outside of the box and come up with more specific things.

1. Watching snow fall on the ground. There is nothing as peaceful as sitting on a couch or standing by a window and watching snow fall. You feel like you are in a snow globe. The world around you just disappears. Your worries, fears, and stress are gone. You are just mesmerized. Everything in that moment is perfect.

2. Christmas. This has to be by far been my favorite holiday. There are points where I feel like I enjoy it more than my birthday. There is nothing like the magic of the season. Shopping for loved ones, baking cookies, decorations, having dinner parties, doing our annual trip to the city, visiting Santa and of course the Christmas movies. Plus, I love the Christmas story. It just touches my heart every time I hear it. No other season has magic like Christmas. I have already started my countdown until Christmas is here.

3. Cuddling with my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. He is the most incredible, patient, amazing person I know. I love being able to spend any time I can with him. One of my favorite things to do though is to just cuddle with him. Whether we are watching baseball on the couch, watching a tv series or just laying around, there is no place I would rather be. When I am in his arms everything is okay. There’s nothing that can hurt me. All the anxiety and worries are gone. I can relax knowing that I’m safe and with someone who loves me. For me those points are some of the happiest I feel during the week.

4. Coloring. I’m in love with the giant coloring pages that Crayola has come out with. I have about 4 books at home. Not only is it relaxing but you also allows you to be creative. Plus, you are so focused on what you are doing you can zone out and just relax. I could color all the time if I had the option.

5. Playing with puppies. Who doesn’t love playing with puppies? They are cute, cuddly, and adorable. I don’t have a dog at home so when I need my fix usually I go two doors down to my aunt’s house and play with her dogs, or I go to Petland. You can play with as many puppies as you want. I usually come away with wanting all of them and sending pictures asking if we can get one. The answer is always no…

6. Cuddling on the sofa with my mom. No matter how old you are, you will always need your mom. Sometimes the best thing is to just lay on the couch cuddle with her and not even talk. Moms usually make everything better and even if you don’t talk it’s just a relaxing time.

7. Family game nights. We rarely do this but at points we will play bananagrams or Uno as a family. There are so many laughs and memories made. It’s some of the best times.

8. Giving gifts to people and seeing their reaction. I love to buy/make people gifts and see their reaction. I love seeing their enjoyment and excitement when they receive something special or something that they want.

9. My birthday. Who doesn’t love their birthday?! It’s the one day a year, unless your me and it lasts a month, where it is all about you. No matter how old I get I will always be excited to celebrate my birthday.

10. Walt Disney World. All I can say is it’s the most magical place on earth! Where else can you go to act like a kid and relive all the magic Disney created? If I could I would be at Disney all the time or even live at Disney on Main Street USA. A part of me will always be a child at heart, and never outgrow Disney .

These are the 10 things that make me really happy. I could go on, but I figured I would follow the rules and only list 10. What are some things that make you really happy?

Recap since February 2016

I can't believe how quickly time flies by. To think that my last post was in February 2016 is beyond me. So much has happened since then.

For starters I traveled back to Australia for the second time. It was absolutely amazing to see all of my family again and get to know everyone even more. I miss them so much and wish that I would be able to see them more often. I keep hoping that they get to the U.S. sometime soon. As much as I wouldn't mind going back there, a 26 hour flight is not on the top of my list. However, family makes it all worth it.

Speaking of family, since the last time I blogged I have 3 new cousins. Lucia, Bennett, and Luke. I love spending time with Lucia. Bennett is very much a momma's boy and I don't really get to spend a lot of time with them. Hopefully at some point he will get used to me. Although he is almost a year and a half. I don't have high hopes to be honest. Then there is Luke. I have yet to get meet him. My cousin Angela lives in South Carolina so we only get to see them about once or twice a year. It makes me sad because I really loved spending time with her and we don't really talk that much right now. I honestly need to make more of an effort to talk with her.

I am still at my current job, although I am now a Marketing Lead. Things are just more stressful now, but that's normal right?

The biggest news is...I'M OFFICIALLY TAKEN!!!! That's right. I officially have a boyfriend. his name is Rob and he is the most amazing person that I have ever met and I am head over heels in love with this boy. He is Italian, Catholic, makes me smile, is funny, smart, hard working, caring, strong, and so much more. I truly can picture my entire life with him. I can't wait to see where the future goes and what is in store with us. Sorry, ladies this man is mine so hands off!

There has been so much change and crazy things that have been going on in a year and a half, it's safe to say that this life has truly been one magical adventure!

What does it mean to care?

What does it mean to care about someone? I don't know if the world knows what that means anymore. I sit here thinking about life and I realize that there are people that I care about but have no idea if they care about me. Honestly...probably not. There are people that I have in my life that I put so much effort into our relationship and yet nothing is given in return.

Don't get me wrong I'm don't expect someone to drop everything that they are doing for me. But it would be nice to know that someone is thinking about me or care about me. Yes, I know that I am using the word "care" a lot but the reality is that there is really no other word to use to describe.

In my daily life there are many people who I think about and would be happy to go out of my way for, but would those people do the same for me. I can't confidently say yes they would. The world has gotten to a point where they are more concerned about themselves than others. I understand that we have to be able to think about ourselves but there should still be concern for other people.

I'm tired of putting in the effort and not having it returned. People say all the time that I should only care about myself and screw the other people who aren't supportive or won't go out of there way for me. Unfortunately, I am not wired that way. I will always care too much. Then it hurts when people don't care enough but yet I still put my heart out there, even when I try not to.

A little back story I have always tried to not let people in. I figured if I don't let people in then I won't get hurt. Well it works for a while but then you begin to start caring about people or let your guard down. Somehow I always seem to let my guard down with the wrong people...which yes I will take full responsibility for. As much as I try it seems like I don't learn my lesson. Yet, I don't know how I find these people or how I get to the point where I can't get them out of my life because I care too much.

For example this guy in my life right now. We are just friend but yet I still care about him and sometimes he is amazing but other times it's all sexual and he can give two craps about me. For example last night, I didn't want to talk about anything like that and he was like you could go straight to sleep. Then today he was amazing and showed he cared and even said he cared. I get we are not in a "relationship" but I would still like to feel like he cares. Please note I did not ask him if he cared or not.

Then tonight I was out to dinner with high school friends and everyone was talking about this girl Lauren who is in rehab for the 100th time. Mind you, I am all for people going to rehab and getting better but when it is seen as a joke that is when I stop caring. Also she has done some pretty bad stuff to me and has stolen from my family so you can see that I really don't care. Anyways, they were also talking about her and her twin's (my best friend) birthday. I wanted to be like hello, my birthday comes first, does anyone care what I'm doing for mine. I don't mean to be selfish, but I NEVER get thought about with these girls. I just don't, and for once it would be nice to be all about me.

I guess the moral of my post tonight is...why can't we live in a society where people care about one another, and while looking out for yourself is important, why can't people put in the same amount of effort as someone else does in a relationship or friendship?

I was talking to my best friend Steph about this and she had the best note back which is what I needed to hear and how I will end this post. Here it is:


"Hold onto your values and what you believe in...it's what makes you you and be proud of that! You're an amazing woman! Even though things are tough and it might be lonely at times, you deserve a man who loves you for you. Don't ever forget that! You shouldn't change for someone to love you."

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...Find Out What It Means To Me

Sitting here today I started to think about respect. What happened to it? Let's face it, we can all say that we have respect for others but is that really the truth? If you were able to see yourself during the day would you be happy with how you treated others? Would you be okay with the way you acted? For some of us we show respect to others, whether we know them or not, but for a majority of us we preach one thing and do the exact opposite.

As time goes on, and I continue to grow, I've come to realize that respect for others have diminished and it is rare that you find some that lives by their values. Whether you are working or out with friends the reality is that respect goes right out the window when it isn't convenient for someone. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there are a lot of good people out there, and I'm blessed to have many in my life, but I'm talking about the world in general.

Growing up I was taught to always have respect for others. I was taught that you should always be respectful in the way you act and talk no matter who it is. It doesn't matter if you don't have respect or like the person, you still act respectful. Today's world is so self-centered that respect doesn't matter anymore. Think about it...when you send someone a text message asking someone a question and they don't reply at all but you know they saw it, how is that respectful? Don't you think the respect that the person had for you is going to go straight out the window? Or if you decide to embarrass someone at work or in public, when the respectful thing would be to talk to them one on one or not say anything, how do you think that is going to affect your relationship with them.

Everything now a days is "when it is convenient for ME" or "ME, ME, ME." People don't think about others. Look back at relationships that you've lost, respect probably had something to do with it. As adults if this is how we plan to continue to act, I feel sorry for the younger generations and our future kids.

My sister and I taught Religious Education at our church. We had a class of 2nd graders. The way that they would take to us and each other was completely disrespectful. If any of you know us, that didn't last very long. We put a stop to it right away and created consequences if they were going to act that way. These kids were learning about respect from their parents. It was clear that the parents didn't even care what their kid was doing, or that's how they acted in their lives.

If people are rude and disrespectful to us, why do we keep them in our lives? Sometimes we don't have a choice. They are co-workers, family, or maybe a friend who you have known for years. No matter how we justify it to ourselves, when they do something that is mean or disrespectful, it still hurts. Even though we are hurt from it, face it, do you really think the other person cares, and even if you tell them you're hut, are they going to change their ways? Probably not! So why keep them around?

One of my best friends, Jenna, is truly an inspiration when it comes to this. She has cut people out of her life who are rude, disrespectful, and don't have her best interest in heart. I wish I could tell you right now that everyone who has been disrespectful to me, I've cut out of my life. The reality is, that I haven't. When I've had the choice to get rid of them, I have. It might not have happened right away, but we all eventually get to our breaking point and can't handle it anymore.

I'm dealing with a situation right now in my life where there are people that I want to cut out of my life, but the problem is that I don't have that option right now. If I had my perfect world, I would love to cut them out and then show them how they have been acting or give them a taste of their own medicine. It isn't in my personality to be rude or disrespectful to someone in return. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person, and hope down the road they get what they deserve. We've all heard that saying, "Karma is a Bitch." It's only a matter of time until people get their karma.

We all make mistakes and can be disrespectful at times. It's a matter of learning from what we have done and then trying to change the way we act. People are going to make mistakes, no one is perfect. But learn from your actions, and try to show respect to everyone that you come in contact with. Why should anyone be treated less? What makes you better than the person standing right next to you?

All I'm asking is for people to show respect to one another. You never know the difference you are making in someone's life.

Have a magical day!! 

If I Could...

It is finally the weekend! All week I have kept praying that Friday would come around, and now it finally has. I hope everyone out there will be doing something fun this weekend. This weekend I have my cousin's bachelorette party. We are going to a hotel and then spa on Sunday. It will be so much fun and I can't believe that  she will be married soon! It's coming so fast.

Since it's Friday, I figured that I would do a fun question blog. Check it out below...

IF I COULD...
Travel anywhere, where would it be? I'd go back to Australia.
Meet anyone, who would it be?  Walt Disney
Bring anyone dead back to life, who would it be? Nana
Be anyone for a day, who would it be? A famous actress
Get anything for free for the rest of your life what would it be? All insurance 
Change one thing about your life what would it be? Some decisions I've made
Have any superpower what would it be? Either read minds or snap my fingers and be anywhere
Be any animal for a day which would you be? Dog
Date anyone who would it be? Jonathan Toews
Change one thing about the world what would it be? No war
Live in any fictional universe which would you choose? Neverland
Eliminate one of your human needs which would you get rid of? Acceptance from others
Change one of your personality traits which would you choose? Stubbornness 
Be talented at anything instantly what would you choose? Be the best wedding planner 
Erase an event from history (make it so it never happened) which would you choose? Losing my Nana
Have any hair/eye/skin color, which would you choose? Maybe green eyes
Live in any country/city, where would you choose? Venice, Italy or Melbourne, Australia
Change one law in your country, which would you change? Everything has to be hands free
Be any height, which would you choose? I like my height
Have any job in the world, which would you choose? Community Relations and Marketing for a sports team
Have anything appear in your pocket right now, what would it be? Winning powerball lotto ticket


What would some of you answer for these questions? Have a great weekend everyone!

Wedding Season Times Eight

This has been one crazy year. Between a new job, planning church events, and trying to balance a social life and possibly find a boyfriend, weddings seem to have taken over my life. What do I mean? Between August 2014 and March 2015 (except for February) I have had a wedding every month. Out of those 8 weddings, I have been in 4, attended 1, went to Disney for 1, and declined 1. Weekends have been packed solid with bridal showers, bachelorette parties, wedding planning, and the actual wedding.

Even though my bank account is not very happy with me, there is something special about being able to stand up there with the people you love and truly care about. It's a wonderful feeling watching two people stand there, giving themselves to each other in front of God and their family and friends. Each bride looks like a princess, every groom look likes prince charming. That day is the beginning of their "Happily Ever After" (or so you hope). One of my favorite things to watch is the groom's face when he first sees his bride walking down the isle. That look says it all.

I feel like I have been around weddings for years. When I worked at North Central I would help our office out with all the weddings. I would help them set up the rehearsal, get everything organized, assist the bride and groom on their special day, and eventually help the bride down the isle. Some brides were definitely bridezillas, but most of them were on cloud nine.

Being apart and working so many weddings always makes me want to plan my own wedding. Not only that it makes me think about what my wedding would be like. As little girls we always dream about what that day would be like and who we would marry. As time has gone on I have definitely changed how I imagine my wedding. When I was in my high school floral design class, one of the big projects we had, was to design our wedding. I have that project stored in my room. As I look back I wanted my colors to be pink and silver and I wanted a spring or summer wedding. I had a ballgown dress and my bridesmaids had long dresses that touched the floor, and I thought I knew exactly who would be in my wedding party.

The one thing I have no idea about is who I want to stand up with me. Some of the people that I thought would be in my wedding will definitely not be standing up for me (they may be attendance however). People come in and out of our lives so quickly, I want to pick people who are going to stay in my life forever and who hold a special place in my heart.
After being in so many weddings and seeing what people have done I have definitely changed my mind on many things and until I walk down the isle it will probably change with every wedding I am in or attend.

There are some things I know for sure about my wedding. It will be in the Catholic Church, my sister will be my maid of honor, my engagement ring and wedding band will be my Nana's (the one she left me), my dad will walk me down the isle, and I plan on honoring all of my grandparents one way or another. Let's face it though, I'm single and don't have a ring on my finger so I have plenty of time to plan all the details.

My sister and mom joke with me that by the time my wedding comes around I am going to know exactly what I want and don't want. They think that their will be very limited planning with it because I'm going to know everything I want. It's probably true. Who knows I might be the most stress free bride anyone has ever met.

First things first I need to find that special guy who is will to take that journey with me. Who knows what 2015 will bring. Let's face it...life is one magical adventure!