What does it mean to care?

What does it mean to care about someone? I don't know if the world knows what that means anymore. I sit here thinking about life and I realize that there are people that I care about but have no idea if they care about me. Honestly...probably not. There are people that I have in my life that I put so much effort into our relationship and yet nothing is given in return.

Don't get me wrong I'm don't expect someone to drop everything that they are doing for me. But it would be nice to know that someone is thinking about me or care about me. Yes, I know that I am using the word "care" a lot but the reality is that there is really no other word to use to describe.

In my daily life there are many people who I think about and would be happy to go out of my way for, but would those people do the same for me. I can't confidently say yes they would. The world has gotten to a point where they are more concerned about themselves than others. I understand that we have to be able to think about ourselves but there should still be concern for other people.

I'm tired of putting in the effort and not having it returned. People say all the time that I should only care about myself and screw the other people who aren't supportive or won't go out of there way for me. Unfortunately, I am not wired that way. I will always care too much. Then it hurts when people don't care enough but yet I still put my heart out there, even when I try not to.

A little back story I have always tried to not let people in. I figured if I don't let people in then I won't get hurt. Well it works for a while but then you begin to start caring about people or let your guard down. Somehow I always seem to let my guard down with the wrong people...which yes I will take full responsibility for. As much as I try it seems like I don't learn my lesson. Yet, I don't know how I find these people or how I get to the point where I can't get them out of my life because I care too much.

For example this guy in my life right now. We are just friend but yet I still care about him and sometimes he is amazing but other times it's all sexual and he can give two craps about me. For example last night, I didn't want to talk about anything like that and he was like you could go straight to sleep. Then today he was amazing and showed he cared and even said he cared. I get we are not in a "relationship" but I would still like to feel like he cares. Please note I did not ask him if he cared or not.

Then tonight I was out to dinner with high school friends and everyone was talking about this girl Lauren who is in rehab for the 100th time. Mind you, I am all for people going to rehab and getting better but when it is seen as a joke that is when I stop caring. Also she has done some pretty bad stuff to me and has stolen from my family so you can see that I really don't care. Anyways, they were also talking about her and her twin's (my best friend) birthday. I wanted to be like hello, my birthday comes first, does anyone care what I'm doing for mine. I don't mean to be selfish, but I NEVER get thought about with these girls. I just don't, and for once it would be nice to be all about me.

I guess the moral of my post tonight is...why can't we live in a society where people care about one another, and while looking out for yourself is important, why can't people put in the same amount of effort as someone else does in a relationship or friendship?

I was talking to my best friend Steph about this and she had the best note back which is what I needed to hear and how I will end this post. Here it is:


"Hold onto your values and what you believe in...it's what makes you you and be proud of that! You're an amazing woman! Even though things are tough and it might be lonely at times, you deserve a man who loves you for you. Don't ever forget that! You shouldn't change for someone to love you."